"Today's Plan is canceled!"
It was painful.Really, really painful, when you dispose off a self-made plan and inform it to the friends.I had a little choice but to complete this responsibility. I was already dressed up to leave my place, when i received the message, for which I just had to decide to terminate the entire plan.
But what next? When you are alone, or only with your loneliness, evenings go dreadful. I decided to leave. I headed towards Juhu Chowpaty.
Alone.
I always found sea to be a nice, generous companion to me. Even when there are to many people around, I can feel his sole company. It's the place where everything comes out of you, quite readily. All your joy and grief, devotion (for 'Hare Krishna's!!) and anger,affection and frustration,depression and loneliness. Only condition : You should be able to communicate with him.
Then sun set, as it used to do till yesterday. He leaves no sign of what he did in the entire day, and we ought to opt for artificial sources of light. This is the very event I wish to miss everyday. It's sad, sad time. Don't know whether it is natural that way or just my feeling, but it happens almost everyday for me. I thought it was a time to say goodbye. I just thought I should have something to eat, so I was having some chaat at a Chowpaty stall.
Suddenly, I had a look at someone. Someone with his inevitable monkey. A Madaari. I scarcely saw a Madaari who is not playing with his monkey in front of bunch of audience, esp kids. Both were inactive. I could see a thin feeling of being lost. I could read it quite clearly. Perhaps he has not achieved as much as he was expecting. Perhaps it would be difficult for him to tell this to his kids, when he would be returning home. Thinking the same, I just had a glimpse at monkey and i saw something really,really strange feeling on his face.
Monkey was not happy with his performance for the day.
So, what's the big deal at the end? What was that all about? Even a monkey had the same feelings as I had, what's the difference between the two? Then what the heck i was sad about? Some pity i wanted to share with my pals? Some crappy emotional leftovers? Do I have any right to feel sad, when there are thousands of people on beach sadder than me? Was I fooling myself?
I suddenly recalled an old incident told by one of close friends. She was volunteering in some remote village at a local govt. hospital. The village was struck by cholera infection. She, along with her colleagues, used to treat the people who were suffering cholera. Once, a lady came to the Hospital, along with an infant.
"Treat him doc. I am leaving." She left the kid there and about to go. My friend shouted at her, "How can you leave your kid over here? Don't you worry about him?"
"I do, doc." she replied without any emotions,"My husband died yesterday. My elder daughter died just on the way to hospital. I am sure you'll treat my kid. Now, let me go to complete the final rituals for my daughter, as none else left in my family."
We are happy. Quite happier than those who never ever touched the happiness. We should stop crying about our little woes and should thank ourselves for how happy we are.
While returning, as if, those beautiful lyrics of Jan Nisar Akhtar were following me :
Kitne ghayal hai,
Kitne Bismill hai,
Is khudaii mein,
Ek tu kya hai?
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