Ek tu kya hai?

"Today's Plan is canceled!"

It was painful.Really, really painful, when you dispose off a self-made plan and inform it to the friends.I had a little choice but to complete this responsibility. I was already dressed up to leave my place, when i received the message, for which I just had to decide to terminate the entire plan.

But what next? When you are alone, or only with your loneliness, evenings go dreadful. I decided to leave. I headed towards Juhu Chowpaty.

Alone.

I always found sea to be a nice, generous companion to me. Even when there are to many people around, I can feel his sole company. It's the place where everything comes out of you, quite readily. All your joy and grief, devotion (for 'Hare Krishna's!!) and anger,affection and frustration,depression and loneliness. Only condition : You should be able to communicate with him.

Then sun set, as it used to do till yesterday. He leaves no sign of what he did in the entire day, and we ought to opt for artificial sources of light. This is the very event I wish to miss everyday. It's sad, sad time. Don't know whether it is natural that way or just my feeling, but it happens almost everyday for me. I thought it was a time to say goodbye. I just thought I should have something to eat, so I was having some chaat at a Chowpaty stall.
   
Suddenly, I had a look at someone. Someone with his inevitable monkey. A Madaari. I scarcely saw a Madaari who is not playing with his monkey in front of bunch of audience, esp kids. Both were inactive. I could see a thin feeling of being lost. I could read it quite clearly. Perhaps he has not achieved as much as he was expecting. Perhaps it would be difficult for him to tell this to his kids, when he would be returning home. Thinking the same, I just had a glimpse at monkey and i saw something really,really strange feeling on his face.

Monkey was not happy with his performance for the day.

So, what's the big deal at the end? What was that all about? Even a monkey had the same feelings as I had, what's the difference between the two? Then what the heck i was sad about? Some pity i wanted to share with my pals? Some crappy emotional leftovers? Do I have any right to feel sad, when there are thousands of people on beach sadder than me? Was I fooling myself?

I suddenly recalled an old incident told by one of close friends. She was volunteering in some remote village at a local govt. hospital. The village was struck by cholera infection. She, along with her colleagues, used to treat the people who were suffering cholera. Once, a lady came to the Hospital, along with an infant.

"Treat him doc. I am leaving." She left the kid there and about to go. My friend shouted at her, "How can you leave your kid over here? Don't you worry about him?"

"I do, doc." she replied without any emotions,"My husband died yesterday. My elder daughter died just on the way to hospital. I am sure you'll treat my kid. Now, let me go to complete the final rituals for my daughter, as none else left in my family."

We are happy. Quite happier than those who never ever touched the happiness. We should stop crying about our little woes and should thank ourselves for how happy we are.

While returning, as if, those beautiful lyrics of Jan Nisar Akhtar were following me :

Kitne ghayal hai,
Kitne Bismill hai,
Is khudaii mein,
Ek tu kya hai?


     

Ektara....

What do you think about life?

Is it something really hard-bond, meticulously crafted structure, labelled as "Handle with care".....?

Or just as simple as A,B,C ?

It's the way you look at it....or to be more precise, it's the way you want it to be...

If you are not happy with life you're living, that is because, you are not allowing yourself to be happy.  Keeping life stressed throughout the day generally ends up in more stressed life. Happy life begets happiness in you. This is the law of life. As you sow, so shall you reap.

Don't look for it. It's there somewhere. You just need to be happy for seeking happiness.

I was wondering yesterday, how a day like this could end in such a relaxed way. I was totally pissed off in the office, with too much workload, got some fatal errors in work and then enjoyed an inevitable 'advice' by the seniors. It's not too rare for me to leave the office at 9-9:30. Best part - I got relatively vacant train.

I generally enjoy train journey by hanging at the gate and singing whatever I feel like singing. It's a nice stress buster for me. But yesterday, i didn't feel like singing. I was just thinking....thinking about what went wrong in the day. Suddenly I saw two guys coming inside the train - perhaps after Mahim. Their looks and dressing was indicating that they were certainly not those who travels in the first class, although not exactly like beggars. I saw an ektara in left hand of one of them and other one holding a typical violin and it was easy  to guess what they would be going to do now. It was not a new sight for me...may be for none of those who is regular train traveller.

One started with his ektara and other with the violin and started with a song - ek pyaarka nagma hai. Both were really playing it with all their heart,with their eyes closed. It was a welcome feeling for me. I could see something else then. They were already out of the existing world. One song after the other. They seemed to be expert in their field, as they played some difficult ones too. One of the passengers was so obsessed with their art that he offered ten rupees notes to them. But they were busy in playing. They did not bother to accept the note at that moment. It was surprising. They were not like normal beggars as i thought before.

Train halted at Vile Parle. They just stopped playing, accpeted whatever they received. A young couple, completely impressed by their distinguished performance, offered them something special. The guy wanted the artists to sing his favorite song at some higher price, certainly to impress his lady. The one who Ektara replied firmly - Saab, gaane to ham hamarehi pasandke bajaate hain. Apko pasand aaye to paisa do. Dusreke pasandka sunanemein kya maza?  

I was totally stunned by the last line. I was sure they would have easily played the songs of couples' choice, but they were certainly not moved by an offer for higher money. They wanted to play something that they could enjoy too. I was wondering how a beggar looking guy seek happiness in his own music and I cannot come out of my small, compressed world. I really felt as if it was a lesson for me to pursue my passion rather than cribbing about how miserable I feel about my life.

Happiness is within me. I just failed to find it last night.